"I didn't mean to offend anybody – I was just flirting!"
Sexual harassment cannot be passed off as simple flirting. Flirting is age-appropriate and fun; it's expected that once kids reach adolescence, they'll begin to flirt with each other at school.
Flirting is usually welcome attention that is enjoyed by both people. One person passes a note, touches a shoulder, or makes extended eye contact, and the other receives the message openly, and most times, reciprocates by flirting back.
Flirting feels good. It's typically playful, fun, and makes people feel good about themselves. No one is being disrespected. Mutual flirting is not okay, however, when adults flirt with kids; this type of contact is completely inappropriate, as well as illegal.
When Flirting Becomes Harassment
Flirting crosses the line and becomes sexual harassment when the behavior is one-sided and unwelcome, and continues even after the person is asked to stop.
Sexual harassment, simply stated, is unwanted and repeated attention or behavior that makes a person feel disrespected or bad about herself/himself. It's a form of bullying that is considered particularly harmful.
The American Association of University Women conducted a study that revealed 85% of girls and 76% of boys reported being sexually harassed in school. Kids typically don't tell their parents or guardians about being sexually harassed because they're embarrassed about the situation, or they're feeling intimidated by the harasser. Perhaps they believe the behavior will stop if they just ignore it. Sadly, it usually doesn't.
Hostile Environment Harassment
Hostile environment harassment involves repeated and unwanted sexual touching, gestures or comments from other students, teachers or school personnel. Harassing behaviors can become intolerable for the victim, to the point where he has a difficult time concentrating in class, or chooses not to participate in an extra-curricular activity. Victims feel humiliated, unsafe and powerless, and will sometimes skip class or even change schools to escape the harassment.
Some examples of hostile environment harassment are:
- Explicit photos or jokes about a student being passed to other students via cell phones ("sexting") or over the Internet ("cyber bullying")
- Kids repeatedly making comments about another student's body as she walks down the hall
- Boys chiding another boy about his weight or body type in the locker room
- A teacher always asking a student for a hug when she comes in for extra help
- Girls calling another student "gay" or "faggot"
- A coach telling sexual jokes to the team
- A boy rubs up against a girl, against her will, as they pass in the hallway
Quid Pro Quo Harassment
Quid pro quo is a Latin term that means "this for that." This type of sexual harassment is considered more serious, as it usually involves an individual taking advantage of her position of power.
For example, if a teacher offers a student a better grade in exchange for a sexual favor, this is considered quid pro quo harassment. Similarly, if a coach tells a player that he will get more time on the field if he does something sexual – or he'll be cut from the team if he doesn't – this is also considered quid pro quo harassment.
The position of power that the harasser holds over her victim (coach-player, teacher-student) creates a serious and threatening situation that should be immediately reported to parents or guardians, as well as school officials. This is abusive and illegal behavior under federal law.
What Parents Can Do to Stop Sexual Harassment
School districts are responsible for ensuring each child's safety while in school. If parents suspect that their child is being sexually harassed by another student, the teacher should be informed immediately. Often, teachers can put a stop to the behavior quickly and effectively when they are aware of what is happening.
If the harassment is reported to the teacher and the child is still harassed, parents should go to the next level and contact the school's principal or vice principal. They should write down an explanation of what is happening to their child, where and when it is happening, who is involved and who might have witnessed the harassment; a copy of this description and the complaint should be sent to the district superintendent, as well (a copy should also be kept in the parents' file at home).
Parents should ask for – and expect – a prompt response from school officials. If they do not respond and take reasonable steps to stop the harassing behaviors, the school and the school district may be in violation of federal, state and local laws. In such instances, parents should contact the Office of Civil Rights at the U.S. Department of Education.
Note: The gender-specific terms used in this article ("his" or "her," for example) are not intended to imply that one gender or another is more or less guilty of sexually harassing behaviors; one term is used, rather than the more awkward "his or her," for simplicity and ease of reading.
